By the By

I'll probably be doing more posting over at my 3-Day blog http://zeewalks.blogspot.com than over here for the next few months.

Just started it up to keep all my family and friends up to date with everything happening. As such, if anyone from over here goes over there, please don't mention in the comments that you came from here... Most of my family doesn't know that I keep a blog and I'd rather keep it that way, if you know what I mean.

Thanks a bunch, and I'm sorry for my super duper light posting of late!

Dearest Victoria,

I'm sorry, but your secret is not safe with me. In fact, why would you want to keep it a secret at all? I do not understand. Every woman should know how fantastic your Low-Rise Bikini panites are.

Not once have they gone a-creeping. Not once! They stay exactly where they are supposed to. As a matter of fact (and this may be just a bit TMI, but I'm all about full disclosure), up until I owned these undergarments, I would have to go comando while exercising so to not embarrass myself around the track when I would have to oh-so-daintily-and-lady-like yank them back into place after my previous panties would decide to wander into areas where they were not welcomed. But you know what? These wonder-garments (ha! get it?) do not budge from cradling my cheeks. It is heaven!

Victoria, darling, why would you not want the world to know this? The amazing staying power of these low-rise bikinis coupled with the fact that you are always putting them on sale is enough for me to want to stop in every time I see one of your stores and pick myself up another 5 for $25. Your website has them on clearance for $3.99 a piece! Who can resist those colors?

You should really think about changing your image from Victoria's Secret to Victoria's Public Service Announcement.

Yours Truly,
~Zee

12 Angry...

I'm on my way to perform my civic duty... Never done Jury Duty before, so I'm kinda excited! I'll be back with other news -n- stuff hopefully tonight.

Morning has broken

My alarm clock went off at 5:30 this morning. I'd like to say I bounded out of bed with a smile across my face, but we all know that didn't happen. I rolled over, turned the damn thing off and contemplated going back to sleep for another hour. I think it says a lot about my commitment at this point that I actually only dwelled on going back to sleep for five minutes before I drug my ass out of bed and went rummaging for my workout clothes.

Yesterday afternoon (after work) I went to the local sports store in search of a pedometer. I figure if I'm going to keep records of how far I've walked, what better way than with a little doo-hickey fastened to my waist? And since I was already at the place, I decided to rummage through their clothing to see if I could find something suitable (hahaha) to wear while walking so I stop embarrassing the people I see (and walk with) when I walk out the front door in my P.J. bottoms and sweatshirt.

Do you know how many different types of shorts there are for walking/running? I had no clue! You got your spandex, lycra, cotton, under armor, tight fitting, loose, baggy, long legs, regular short length, capri cut, short shorts, cheer shorts, etc, etc... I gave up and went to the sale racks and picked out some sort of poly-cotton stretchy blend in a loose (but not too loose!) short fit. And I was all ready to wear them this morning too! But it's still pretty chilly here in the mornings so I wore my P.J. bottoms anyway. /sigh.

I did, however, strap my pedometer to my waist! Apparently, I walk slower in the mornings. Couldn't be because I was dog-tired and my legs didn't want to function. Nope. Not at all. I ended up doing 3.35 miles in 50 minutes. Not too shabby, but definitely not the 5 miles in an hour that I pulled in on Sunday.

Whelp, I need to get going. Work beckons! And I must catch my bus.

Baby Steps - Literally

I woke up this morning feeling really, really great: my mind felt alive and awake and I laid in bed and smiled. I'm doing something!

And then I rolled over to get out of bed. Ouch! Ouch! Em-Effer!* Ouch! I had to look down to see if maybe my legs got half way severed while I slept. Nope. Still all in one piece. Perhaps I'm a little bit more out of shape than I thought I was.

Today I'm walking around with itty-bitty steps, trying not to disturb the muscles in my thighs, back, or abdomen. The only activity that doesn't hurt is sitting still, but I know I need to stretch out my poor muscles, so I'll be going for a short, leisurely walk today at lunch time.

I know I'm doing this for a great cause, so even though I hurt at this moment, I know this pain will fade and I'll be stronger for it and more prepared the next time I go out!

*Like my PG version?

The Amazing Reappearing Zee!

Ok, so that was a much longer break than I'd intended on taking. Actually, since it really wasn't my intention on taking a break at all, I suppose you could say it was longer than I didn't intend on taking.

It's this damn weather, I tell you! I've been so depressed over the last couple months I haven't wanted to write about anything because it would be totally emo to the max: Life sucks. It's dark and cold. I hate my apartment. I want to kill my neighbors. Etc, etc, etc... So I decided to stay away until I was feeling a bit more upbeat. And I am now! I only feel like I want to slit my wrists 2-3 times a week instead of every hour, so there's that!

Continuing with the weather for a moment (because it really does have something to do with the point I'm trying to make that I haven't mentioned yet), I've upgraded (downgraded?) to a lightweight jacket instead of my heavy one! And the sun came out for three days this last week! It hit 85 last Saturday, and around 75 this past Saturday!

Life is getting better, but my clothes are hardly fitting me any more. I ripped my last pair of fat pants a few weeks back, and that snapped me into exercise mode. A neighbor of mine and I have been walking a couple times a week in the hills and streets surrounding our building and it has confirmed the fact that I am Out Of Shape.

Two miles had me huffing and puffing with my muscles so sore for two days after, I thought for sure I would never be able to do it again. But do it again I did. And again. And you know what? I feel pretty damn good now. I walked a total of six miles yesterday on flat ground, mostly around a track (totally boring by the way).

This morning, my friend and I started out doing our regular walk up the hills and when we got to the place we've turned around in the past, we decided to keep on going. We walked a total of 5.5 miles up and down hills (I google.maped our route after we got back), and I feel great! Sure, I'm a little sore (my butt from yesterday and my mid-section from today), but I feel like I can accomplish anything! Yes, I know it's mostly the endorphins talking.

On Friday, I was scouring the Internets for motivation; I felt like I needed a goal. Remembering how my friend Tricia has been participating in the AIDS LifeCycle for the last couple years gave me an idea: why not walk for a purpose?

Enter: the Breast Cancer 3-Day.

One of my cousins was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and has undergone a double mastectomy as a result. Between this horrible news and the fact that I've known so many women who have had lump scares, it only seemed natural to want to walk for something that has such an impact on every woman.

And so starts my journey.

60 miles in 3 Days.

I encourage you to help me reach my fundraising goal of $2,200.00. See that button on the right hand side of this page? If you'd like to support me, that's how you can! I'll be updating here regularly with news, trivia, my walking status, fundraisers I'm planning, and stories of this journey.

Whatever it takes to raise the money and help find a cure.

I walk because I can.
I walk because others can't.
I walk so the next generation won't have to.

I've found my motivation to write, exercise, be happy, and give to a good cause all in one fell swoop.

If you can join me, great! If you can't, I understand and encourage you to check in with me anyway. It's going to be one hell of a ride getting from walking 5-6 miles a day to 20 miles a day for 3 days.

I suppose now would be a good time to upgrade from the pajama bottoms I walk in to some actual work-out gear. Don't you think?

**Update!** I totally forgot to put in when the 3-Day is happening in my area! I'm in Seattle, so ours is September 12-14. I have a little over three months to prepare myself and raise my funds! If you'd like more information on the 3-Day, please visit their website!

Et Tu, Padre?

Everyone has expectations for their child's life. Get good grades, graduate college, become a doctor/sports star/president, get married, have children. Does that sound about right? And almost every child out there deflates their parent's expectations in some way or another.

I, surprisingly, am no different.

Good grades? Naw... I was happy skating by. Why study when I could hold a solid B average with no effort?

College? Skip! I'd been in school since I was 2 1/2 by the time I graduated high school. School was all I really knew, and I hated it. One year at community college, and I was done, man.

Doctor? No college! Sports star? No talent! President? No interest!

Marriage? Did I ever tell you about the time I got married at 19? What about the time I got divorced at 22? All to a man (young man) both my parents disliked and knew was a horrible match for me.

Children?

The one dream my parents have left for me: to provide them with grandchildren. The one dream that neither one of them will understand why I would turn away from.

I know I've talked about this before, but it's come up on two occasions in the last couple weeks - the last occasion being about eight hours ago.

It always starts with the marriage question.

"Are you and Var ever going to get married?" I deflect that question as best I can. They don't understand, and I try to explain, but usually fail. You see, I've been down that road. I didn't like what I found. True, it was with the wrong person, and I was so young, and we lived with his parents for God's sake, but I am disenchanted by the whole thing.

Why marry? What is the purpose, really? Security? I have a job and savings - I've always been one to take care of myself. Companionship? One doesn't need to be married to spend the night - hell, even LIVE together. To make someone belong to you? Do you really think a little piece of paper, a ring, and maybe a name change will stop a person from straying if that's what a person wants to do?

I sound like a bitter old hag, don't I? I like to call it realism, but you can call me whatever you want. I don't really care.

Sure, I've thought about marrying again. (And between you and me, if Var were to ask, I would say yes.) But I would go with all of the above in mind. And I'm in no rush. I have no urge to put a ring back on my finger. This is exactly what I tell my parents (and grandparent) when asked about the uppercase M-word.

But then, the conversation gets to the question they were really asking:

"When am I going to get a grandchild?"

And to this I answer, "I don't know... Have you talked to my brother?"

I've come to a realization that none of my parents (I'm including my grandmother in this as she really is like another parent to me) seem to want to accept, though I tell them every time they ask: I do not want children of my body. That is to say, if I am to have a child, that child will come to me through adoption, not my birth canal.

Up until eight hours ago, I'd only been fielding this question from my mom and grandmother. Up until eight hours ago, I'd thought my dad understood. Up until eight hours ago, I hadn't disappointed him in his last dream for me.

And, as much as I'm holding firm on my stance to one day adopt instead of birth, it hurts to know I've disappointed them all.